The World According To Bob

Bob Allen is a philosopher and cyber libertarian. He advocates for the basic human rights of men. Bob has learned to cut through the political nonsense, the propaganda hate, the surface discourse, and talk about the underlying metamessage that the front is hiding. Bob tells it like it is and lets the chips fall where they may. If you like what you read be sure to bookmark this blog and share it with your friends.

Location: United States

You can't make wrong into right by doing wrong more effectively. It's time for real MEN to stand up and take back our families, our society, and our self respect. It is not a crime to be born a man. It is not a crime to act manly.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The quiet yellow revolt

In the 2002 film "About Schmidt" staring Jack Nicholson, the title and mostly valueless character retires from a long career in the insurance business. About Schmidt Within a few days his wife dies and Schmidt is left alone in his big house. Or rather, in his wife's big house, because it's always been her house, where he was marginally tolerated. We learn that he has been required by his now-dead wife to pee sitting down so as not to splash or spill on her bathroom carpets. Schmidt starts to sit down out of habit, and then realizing that he no longer has to do what she told him, he stands up to pee. Feeling freed from her domination while standing there peeing, he notices her precious carpet, and deliberatly turns sideways. The rest of the film is about how Schmidt begins to find himself after being freed from most of his life dominated by a wife, even being told how to pee. Through the rest of the movie Schmidt goes on a trip to "find himself" and what it means to be a man again now that he's finally able to make his own decisions again.

George is attending a conference in a fancy hotel on the water in Long Beach. That evening relaxing in his room he finds himself looking in the bathroom wondering where a man is supposed to relieve his bladder. At the restroom across from the conference center downstairs there are urinals for men, but up here in the room none are provided. Like many men, George does not articulate the deep sense of being ignored that he feels. The hotel obviously knows how to provide plumbing for men, they do so elsewhere, but they ignore him and don't provide for him here in his room. Out of a deep sense of aggravation he pees in the tub, then on the floor.

In a roadside motel somewhere off of Interstate 70, Mike is enjoying a coke and bourbon after a day on the road. Later he goes into the bathroom to relieve himself. He looks around and sees the usual 3 plumbing fixtures but no urinal, no place provided for a man to take a leak. Out of aggravation, frustration, and an unspoken soft anger he fills the coke bottle with golden liquid. Later that night the sits to take a shit and finds that the bowl is so small that his manhood would lean against the cold porcelain if he tucks it down, so he leaves it up on the seat. Upon relaxing his muscles to get on with business he finds that he needs to pee while he poops, so the floor gets a pint. He tosses a towel to soak up the water, and the maids clean it up the next day after he's gone on down the road. A little way out of town Mike pulls to the side of the road and tosses out the coke bottle. "Piss on them," he says to himself as he drives off.

Are these men unique? Is their frustration misguided? Maybe they are just nuts? Well, maybe they have become a little nuts, but they are hardly unique. The film about Schmidt works because Schmidt is every man in some sense, henpecked and frustrated, cooperative, trying to please, suppressing his own feelings for decades. Since the film came out I've heard form several men who also pee sitting down at home because their wife objects to the splash. Is there any man who hasn't heard the feminist complaint about putting the seat down? Women in homes "know" that the plumbing is theirs, and the man uses it only by concession. He's not allowed to suit his needs, so the seat always "belongs" down. She says so.

In addition to the common rant about putting the seat down there is the other female rant about "aim." Of course we men know that aim isn't a matter of mechanical precision. Each time is different depending on pressure, stimulation, etc., and sometimes it starts with two streams going different directions, or even a fan-like dispersion. On some deep level we're programmed to please women so in "her" home we try to make it hit the bowl, and feel bad when it doesn't. Then there is the question of hitting the water or trying for the less noisy area at the back. When I was young my mother complained about visiting another woman's home and hearing her son peeing in the bathroom down the hall. I got the message, boys and men should not pee so as to offend women with the noise. I got the message, the body functions of boys and men are offensive to women. Mothers have been teaching that message to boys and men all my life.

Then there is the question of splash. Every man who ever pissed in a toilet bowl while wearing shorts can attest that water, and whatever is in it, splashes out of the bowl. What is in the water is usually a thin soup of various harmful bacteria. The large drops contaminate the floor and surfaces around the bowl. Fine drops form an aerosol and drift around the bathroom depositing bacterial on sinks, towels, walls, etc. A bathroom engineering book that deals with this subject is "The Bathroom" by Alexander Kira, The Bathroom More recently the Mythbusters TV show studied toothbrushes in their bathrooms and found that they were all contaminated with harmful e-coli and other bacteria. If you're a man who doubts the splash phenomena, try pissing on a flat dry surface sometime. The resulting damp splash circle can be 10 feet in diameter. The dirty water from the toilet bowl travels an equal distance and carries all the microbiological contaminates with it. Most of the female complaints about "aim" are actually the result of splash. After a few weeks the floor, and surrounding surfaces get dirty and smell like piss, shit, and filth. She blames the nearest available man and calls it "bad aim," when most of it is splash from a fixture never designed for a man to take a piss. Some women demand that men sit to pee in "her" house. A man's place is left out of his home.

A growing number of men are just frustrated and harbor deep resentment at having to always comply with a world that ignores and minimizes us. One way this resentment is becoming quietly manifest is revealed by the growing frequency of bottles of urine found on roadsides. Some road crews blame long distance truckers (predominantly men), but others say that it's often 4 wheel drivers who bottle and distribute their body wastes. To be sure, some of it is probably long distance drivers who don't want to spend the half hour it takes to stop at a regular rest area, assuming one is available. Roadside bottles 1 roadside bottles 2 But there is a growing number of men who are quietly pissing on the world by placing jars of yellow fluid wherever it's convenient or most obnoxious. Boys who spend time outdoors learn that there is some primal psychological pleasure in standing on top of a mountain and pissing over a cliff. Perhaps the phenomena of bottled urine is related to the psychology of raining on whatever lives below. Maybe, like Schmidt, they are exercising a little freedom, like pissing on her carpet.

In my investigation of this topic, the lack of plumbing for men in the homes of men, I corresponded with the National Kitchen and Bath Association, an organization of plumbing manufacturers and installers. NKBA When I asked why plumbing for men is omitted from the homes of men I was told by their David Newton, "Women hate these things. I just finished a Bath Design Class today April 29th and the subjects of urinals came up and to a person, every woman in the class said that they would not want one in their home." In plain language, Schmidt's wife owns our home, owns the plumbing industry, and she dictates to men where we may and may not take a piss.

That's not good enough of an answer for me. Like a growing number of angry, frustrated men I want my home to accommodate MY needs as well as those of my wife. Providing plumbing for men in homes where men live should not be predicated on whether or not women think it's pretty. We have listened to women whine about "putting the seat down" for half a century, and it's time for men to take back our homes. They can have their seat down when home builders recognize that men live here too! It's fine that some plumbing manufacturers also make plumbing for men, but until it becomes standard in architecture and building codes it's not going to be regularly provided. It is unconscionable and misandrist for architects, plumbing manufacturers and building code officials to systematically ignore the basic bodily needs of men.

The NKBA says that they make urinals for homes available, but women won't buy them. So what? Being available is nice, but the large majority of homes, apartments, and hotel rooms are only going to have adequate plumbing that meets architectural and code standards. Saying that home urinals are available but not used or required for homes only emphasizes the general disregard for the needs of men by the plumbing and construction industry. My concern is not that I'm unable to purchase or fabricate expensive fancy plumbing for a custom bath. My concern is for the 99% of men who will always live with facilities designed according to established standards and codes. HGTV has shown a few "unusual homes" that had urinals in their unconventional bathrooms, but what about the other 99% of men? Don't they need to pee too? Today's established standards and code fail utterly to consider or provide for the bodily needs of men. The International Residential Code, legally adopted by most cities in the US, contains the following, "306.1 Toilet facilities. Every dwelling unit shall be provided with a water closet, lavatory, and a bathtub or shower." Residential Code Bathroom Requirements There is nowhere in a building code approved home, apartment, or motel room designed for a man to take a piss. He is still expected to go behind the barn and pee with the horses for all the architects and building officials care. Going behind the barn may have been acceptable in the 19th century when most men lived on farms and indoor plumbing was just being invented, but in the 21st century that was a long time ago. The standard American bathtub isn't large enough for a man's body either, and that needs to be addressed too, but that's another related topic.

Most men continue to go along, in public and in private. Most men accept and try to live with the growing frustration of living in a home without plumbing adequate for a man's needs. Most men accept the feminist criticism of "put the seat down" and "can't you aim!" If that's you, then I'm sorry, but I disagree and I won't go along any more. To me it is no longer acceptable to provide, as the standard, plumbing only designed for women. It is no longer acceptable to refuse to require indoor plumbing for men because women don't like the looks. That attitude by the NKBA, by the International Code Council, by the National Association of Architects, or anyone else is sexist and not acceptable. We men no longer should tolerate homes, apartments, or hotels that ignore the needs of men. It's just misandrist. Minimum architectural and plumbing code standards for homes, apartments, and hotel rooms ought to require adequate plumbing facilities for men, whether women like the looks or not. We live there too. Women will get used to it.

While we are on the topic of the NKBA, the manufacturers of bath fixtures, lets wonder why plumbing for men is so very expensive. You can get a high quality Kohler toilet bowl at Home Depot or elsewhere for around a hundred bucks. You can buy other brands for less, and elongated Eljer toilet including tank costs less than $100 at Home Depot. Urinals start at $300 to $400 plus the valve. There is nothing inherently difficult in the design or manufacture of a urinal that makes it 4 times as expensive to produce compared to a toilet bowl. The price difference is related to who uses them and the systematic exclusion from a woman's (and man's) home. Charging 4 times as much for men's plumbing is sexist discrimination against men.

Though men don’t rock the boat, going along with whatever women want, and accepting a century of disregard for the basic bodily needs of men, some growing number of men are not putting up with it any longer. Angry frustrated men are pissing on the floor of hotel rooms and the bathrooms of homes where they are invited guests. If she thinks "men can't aim," maybe it's because a man who didn't find plumbing for men in her home pissed on her floor. If the hotel maids have to clean it up every day, so what. Maybe the hotel chain will get the message after the 10th ruined carpet. Angry frustrated men are leaving yellow plastic "bombs" on highways and byways in increasing numbers all over America. Maybe men ought to start mailing a few bottles of yellow gold to the International Code Council, Inc. 5203 Leesburg Pike, Suite 600; Falls Church, VA 22041 International Code Council with a letter asking why there is no plumbing for men required in the residential building and plumbing codes.

If she, whoever she is in your life, complains one more time about "can't aim" or "leaves the seat up" take revenge in a manly way, piss on her floor next time, her bathroom floor, her kitchen floor, her living room carpet. If they don't provide you with an appropriate place for a man to piss in your apartment or hotel room, do what you can, piss on their floor and/or on their carpet. We men don't have to get violent, just quietly demand that our needs are met, we live here too. If they won't provide for our needs, piss on them.


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